Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so let's talk penis.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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