It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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