I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
