You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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