somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
