hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
