Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize