explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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