first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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