Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize