me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
