Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
