i think my tv is drunk
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
