Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
