I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize