): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A bitchslap is in order.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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