You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
