No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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