That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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