Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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