"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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