His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
