bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
