I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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