My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There's even glitter on my cock...
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