I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
