This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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