I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
