Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize