You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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