Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
