You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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