I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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