His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
