And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
