haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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