it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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