he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
