i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
