They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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