if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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