Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
