sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize