Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
