if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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