**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
