I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dick very happy bro
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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