She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
