so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
honey bunches of taint.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
