chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
