I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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