Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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