matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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