They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
