So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
