it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize