i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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