You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
