are you still at the devil's house?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
