And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
