Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
