Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
