So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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