Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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