i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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