when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I supernannyed him into submission
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
