the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
