Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
