He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my being single is dangerous.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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