i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Im part way to drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
