Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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