Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
