I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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