my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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