and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
