Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize