You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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