The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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