Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
