i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
