my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He passed out mid-signature
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
