He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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