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look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
