Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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