So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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