she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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