He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
