Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
my liver is dry heaving
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
