my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
