can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
