Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
