I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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