I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
