i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
