Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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