Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize