Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
soo... how was my night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
