The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
