Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
