Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
