So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
