soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
