all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
