dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I still have a little drunk in my system
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
