oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Still dying that you shit outside
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
