I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
