ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
