I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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