just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
