i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize