sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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