y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
