the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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