you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Panties = found
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
