hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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