This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
