I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize